Truth hurts

I wake every morning early and just talk to God. Just to get things off my chest and make sure he is ok. I want to make sure he is pleased with me. He is the only person that can accept my truth no matter how harsh or real it is. Then when I can't speak he understands the sorrow and pain behind my tears. The truth of the matter is I understand the logic behind the break but that doesn't justify it. Everyone needs a chance to do them and breathe but reality comes to hit me and hurts me. You telling me that you aren't ready for a relationship now but maybe after you graduate or after that really hurts me. You chose your friends and hanging out than to actually spend time with the one you say you loved...because you never loved anyone the way you love me. Yet I'm only good enough to have you after your gone? When we become distance lovers. That's the part that is really stinging me like poison. I miss out on the big events and good/bad times in your life but not your friends. Some of these people who give a care about you AFTER you have to reach out to them and go out of your way to see them or even those who are so weak and down they trap your heart into seeing them out of pity. No matter how I look at and try to justify it. This is the truth and I can't say its something I made up...your actions are visible to everyone so they see what I see...but no one feels what I feel. This is my truth of the matter