RANDOMNESS AT IT'S FINEST

I honesty didn't know what to write about. My mind is like a speeding training that doesn't make any stops. So I am just going to write about random stuff and see where it goes....

Today was such a beautiful day out but yet I spent most of it inside. Hell I spent almost all of it inside. I really need to learn to be this Loner that I have been introduced to back in my childhood. I grew up basically alone because of the way I was treated as a child to be seen and not heard or here take this and shut ya face. I have grew into the mentality,  plus a lil violent on occasion. Maybe once I learn to embrace this individual I will be able to enjoy being home.

WHACKO ZACKO today was the first time I said that and half the time I come up with stuff and  don't have a damn clue of what I am saying but it just sounded cool.

I feel that I cause my own problems due to fear of rejection. Who wants to sit there and get rejected consistently..umm not I said the FROG..well I'm not a frog but u get my drift.

I was told that one day my PASSION would light my DESIRE,yet I don't know what I have a passion for. I like to help people but I know I will get annoyed with repeating myself over and over again or grow angry and find some way to make them cut me loose. I even think I lost my relationship mojo, I just feel blah when it comes to people...its like HEY CUTIE..then the convo goes 5mins in and I'm like you want sexy times,money, drugs...sorry I have none of that to offer to you.

I have some good friends but most of them are too far away and the ones I have locally are ok for the most part, yet I feel if I don't message em 1st then we probably could go weeks without talking....I think its that way with most of my friends. I understand you have a life and it doesn't involve making sure I'm happy or ok 24/7 but something is better than nothing. I wonder what would happen if I changed my number, how many people would notice yet alone care lol

I think I am starting to become intimidated by women since I did lose the last one to some chick  ugly cabbage patch reject looking bitch. For the longest I wanted to play the "The Game"..Med School vs. Drew Sidora moment "LOW SELF-ESTEEM BITCH" but that has passed and I have moved on. I think it's kinda stoopid if you think about it but I rather be dumped b4 I get cheated on and that wasn't the case. So now when I run into these BI BOiz it kinda gives me a red flag....go figure..but then again if you step to me like a man I'm not gonna let you punk me like you a man....

I really need to work on being alone cuz I seem like such a Drip and I'm not. I'm just scared but hey it's whateva.

I wonder how long is it going to take me to learn to trust people 100%. I may seem like a open book but there are some cliff notes to stories I haven't shared. If I did...WOULD YOU STILL WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?


SING JOHH LEGEND SING because my stories never end...it is just ANOTHER AGAIN ( I tried to make that sound deep and o0o ahh but I failed BIG TYME lol )

...if I ever finish this MIXXTAPE/NOVEL I could die a happy man IN/OUT of LOVE VOL 1. ~INBETWEEN MOODS~~ VOL 2 but I lack the motivation

when all is said and done I am Grateful to be alive and well. I may not have all the things I need or want, but life is a process in which we learn to adapt and grow into a new creatures.